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Lolcats giv birth

by Ann Charles on July 20th, 2013
Ceiling cat is watching you give birth

Wun dai Sally cat had bin out doin nauty stuf in teh alleys wiv Stanley cat an dey had hooj sekz.

Few wks l8r, Sally cat realize dat she iz well up teh duff.

Stanley cat haz buggerd ov coz he doan rally care coz he iz well rubish.

Sally cat iz liek oh moi daiz so she iz den goin 2 C teh Midwif cat.

Midwif cat tellz her 2 calm down cuz she iz only havin kittehz an dat liek not rally hooj deal.  Milloins ov teh cats iz havin kittehz eveyr dai an she shudnt git all stresseh ova it.

Sally cat iz well offendud cuz she finks dis iz speshul tiem 4 her & she want sum extruh attenshun.

Midwif cat is liek K ill look aftr U.  But everthin goin 2 b alright an u probs wont need me anywayz.

Me not fat becaus icecream me pregnant

Sally cat git all fat wit the kittehs on teh inside.

Midwif cat sez were wud u loik 2 hav teh kittehs?  Lawts ov cats iz now goin 2 teh Vets.

Sally sez oh noez not teh Vets!  Dey iz liek hurtin me last tiem i woz der an i doan liek dem i iz rally skerd ov teh Vets.

Midwif cat sez but sometimez Vet dey save ur LIF.

Sally sez but i doan wanna go Vets unles emerjenC.

Midwif cat iz liek K den how bout u stay at home?  Catz hav alwayz had deir kittehz at home.  Only recentlee dey goin 2 teh Vets.

This is how we cut the cord...

Sally sez she prefr bein in her houz.

Sally iz worrid abaht teh pain.

Wot if it hurtz me 2 hav de kittehz?  she ask Midwif cat.  Dey iz havin claws an i fink dat wil be painfull on teh wai out.

Midwif cat iz liek trust me u will B fine.  All u iz havin 2 do iz goin in 2 teh cupbord.

Teh cupbord? sez Sally wot in der?

Teh cats hav allways bin goin in teh cupboard 4 teh havin kittehz sez Midwif cat.  But teh lites must not b on cuz u will frighten away teh oxytocin.

Teh oxytocin? ask Sally cat wot iz dat?

Oxytocin iz hidin i iz findin it

Teh oxytocin iz Luf hormone explain Midwif cat.  It liek majik.  Wen u hav teh kittehz, it der.  Wen u hav teh hooj sex, it der.  Wen u hav lot ov catnip it der.  Wen u in dark it der. 

It mak u feel al warm an luffly an halp ur pusy cat git teh kittehz out.

But basement cat liek to chase it away.  An if teh oxytocin git chasd away u will B gettin all stresseh & angree an if it gits chasd all away u will EAT TEH KITTEHZ an im gonna hav 2 tel Vet on u.

Sally cat duz not wont teh oxytocin 2 go away.

Wot can i do 2 keep the oxytocin in teh cupbord? she aks Midwif cat.

Michel Cat Luffs Teh Oxytocin

Stay in teh cupboard on ur own.  i will be outside wiv Michel cat 2 protect u.  We will stop basement cat frum gettin in.  U can ask Ceiling Cat 4 halp if u want 2. 

We wont turn on teh lites or cum in unles u ask us 4 halp.  Stay positif and relaxeratd an ur body will do teh rest.  Everfin goin 2 B fine.

A few dayz l8tr Sally cat iz on a walk an den she wants 2 go inside rally bad.  She check teh houz an der iz nobody der.  Iz all quite.

Sally cat go upstairs 2 teh cupbord.  Iz all warm & cozee an she curl up on teh blanket.

She haz a nice rest an den her body go OOF OOF an out pop teh kittehz!

This was not the delivery I was expecting

Woz not expectin dat fought Sally Midwif cat isnt even heer.

She lie on her side an teh kittehz iz all feedin frum her teets.

Dis liek well eazy fink Sally but i iz well knackered nao.

Just feeding the kittens

An round teh cornr cum Midwif cat wiv sum catnip.

i iz always rite an i sez u cld do it she sez.


 I can haz no sleep but it all worth it

An dey all lif happly eva afta an Stanely got cawt by teh cat suport agenyc cuz he liek well deservd it.

Teh End.

Kitties u are being watched by ceiling cat

TU 2 LOLCat wedding ceremony 4 teh inpirashun.

Pikturez frum joelogon, Takashi(aes2562), kakissel, Phil Hawksworth, Iain Patterson, hamburgerjung, shioshvilli, metaphoricalplatypus, Romana Klee.

All text by Ann Charles.  Lolcats text & imagez combind usin rolfbot.

Plz share dis post.  Kthxbai x

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