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Ms Friend of Birth Geek

by Ann Charles on June 21st, 2013
Fingers held in shape of a heart against a blue sky background with 'Ms Friend of Birth Geek' scattered across

What would you want for your friend?

As the Ms Pregnant mini-series draws to a close (for now), I’ve been reflecting on the most important ‘Ms’ of all – any friend of Birth Geek.

I use the term ‘friend’ very broadly here.  If you are reading this, then it’s you!  Without sounding like a megalomaniac evil dictator of weird, I care about your pregnancy and birth experiences.  Even if you won’t have any personally.  Having people on the planet who are happy is in everyone’s interests, so supporting a good start in life is a selfish endeavour well worth pursing 😉

*Cue a mental picture of everyone in the world holding hands and skipping round a tree.*


Ms Friend of Birth Geek’s Birth Preferences

Psychologists are going to have a field day with this one.  Wanting to shape what someone else does?  No!  That’s bad!  You shouldn’t want to change other people!

I don’t.  But I’d lie if I didn’t say that I don’t care about what my friends do.  I desire for my friends to be happy (although I’ll support them when they are sad).  And that’s the same for Ms Friend of Birth Geek.  So here’s how I’d like her story to go:

Ms Friend of Birth Geek’s story

I don’t give a toss where she gives birth

so long as that’s where she wants to be.*

I don’t care how she gives birth

because it’s her choice.

I want her to have all the information she needs

to make her own decisions.

I’d like her to have whatever support she requires

with loving care around her, or next door, or there virtually as she pleases.

Skilled, respectful medical care should be available to her

if she or the baby feel its need.**

I’d love for her to know about evidence-based birth

as a tool in her decision-making toolbox.

Ms Friend of Birth Geek has made friends with her intuition

and takes the space to trust its wisdom.

Ms Friend of Birth Geek is able to take responsibility

because that shows she has the self-esteem to be confident in her choices.

Ms Friend of Birth Geek is ridiculously excited about giving birth

Excited!  She has no fear and is looking forward to giving birth and the years afterwards.

Ms Friend of Birth Geek, her partner (if any) and baby feel happy with any outcome of birth

because they had the support and trust they needed to feel ownership of any twists and turns on the way.

Everyone involved in the birth has someone who can hear their story, if they wish to tell it

so that experiences are not held in, a family is appreciated and that Ms Friend of Birth Geek’s triumphs are shared with others to inspire and inform their own journeys.

The family has the practical and emotional support it needs

Soups brought round, a listening ear, arms to hug the baby and their parents, acknowledgement from friends and the community that a transition has taken place… or being left in peace, as they prefer.

Ms Friend of Birth Geek knows that there are people who love her

even if it’s just a random lady off the internet.

*And also how much more fun would it be for the Midwife to be in a tent halfway up a mountain, or in a suite at the Ritz?

**This is not against Unassisted Birth for those who make that choice (see point one).  I wish for everyone, no matter where they are in the world, to have access to trustworthy, skilled medical back up if they wish to use it.  For too many families, this is currently not even an option.

Thanks to Irina Patrascu for the background image.

What do you wish for for your friends’ births (even if they are friends you have not yet met)?  Please let me know in the comments below.

From → Birth, Doula, Ms Pregnant

  1. As a doula, I feel pretty much the same way. I will give you all the research I can dig up, but it’s ultimately your choice how to birth and how to be a parent. As long as you are happy with your decisions and feel like you’ve made educated choices, I’m happy for you and excited to help you in any way I can.

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